Backtracking

So, I've made three posts so far and have yet to tell you all where this all started. To be honest, I'm not completely sure. I'm not a doctor or psychiatrist/psychologist. But I do know when it started and how it has progressed.
I remember my very first anxiety attack. That day I had gone to visit my grandmother at her nursing home with my father and great aunt. I'd visited her there for years but over that time she had gotten progressively worse. She, herself had schizophrenia and some other major problems that made her sort of check out. Anyway, this time was different because, as I stood by the window, I watched my father sit by my grandmother's bedside, holding her hand, and crying. It was like something out of a dramatic television show. Watching it made me cry because I hate to see my parents sad.
A few hours later, at my great aunts house, I started to get these shooting pains in my left arm and a tightness in my chest. At first I tried to ignore it but it kept coming. I started walking around the room trying to calm myself down. I started to get really hot and had some trouble breathing. I went to the window to try to breathe in some colder air but it didn't help.
Finally, I decided it was time to ask for help. I went downstairs, where my dad was on the phone. I told him what was happening an he told me that if we went to the hospital they would have to take blood. At this point in my life I was terrified of needles, especially ones that stay in for too long, so I said never-mind and went back upstairs to try to forget about it. After a few more minutes of not succeeding at this I decided I needed to go to the hospital after all. My dad took me and called my mom on the way.
When we got there we had to wait in the emergency room for about half an hour. Let me just take a moment to comment on how Ridiculous waiting in an EMERGENCY room is... really??... Anyway, while I was sitting there waiting to get inspected, my brain told me that I couldn't breathe. I started freaking out and told my mom repeatedly that I couldn't breathe. She reminded me that if I could talk to tell her that then I could, in face, breathe... Yea... Then, you know that tunnel vision thing where the black starts coming in around you? That happened and I thought I was going to pass out, until I got sick on the floor in front of me. Then everything came back and I felt better.
I had to get chest ex-rays but they turned out fine. The doctor told me I had had an anxiety attack and that it was probably a result of too much caffeine, but that didn't make any sense to me. I had had at least two Pepsi's a day for probably two or three years before that day. I don't drink (or eat) anything with caffeine anymore, by the way, and I Still get anxiety every day. Sorry Doc.
So, that's where this all started, and now it is just something I deal with on the daily. I've been to the hospital a few times since then and every time they tell me it's just anxiety. I got prescribed Xanax once. I didn't take it right away because I don't like drugs (that's a whole other story). One day I was feeling extra anxious and decided to try it. Now I know how it works, I wasn't anxious the whole day!! Because.... I was Asleep the whole day... Who wants to live like that? Not me, I'd rather be awake and anxious then asleep for the rest of my life. Anyway, I never took them again. I don't even know where they are anymore...
Now you know. Next post will either be something that happens to me or else I'll tell you the drug story...
Signing off.