Is it all in my Head??

So, today, after working a follow spot for our school's production of "Aida", I got these crazy throbbing/stabbing pains in the back of my head. I don't know where they came from or why they happened but they scared me for sure. Today was a bad day for my physical symptoms. I had chest pains and those pains in my head. I've also had suddenly there/suddenly gone headaches since I left the school and pressure build up in my head as well. These things are normal in my life, but every once in a while a new one will come along and scare me. Tonight was one of those nights. I had never had that feeling in my head quite as bad and as steady or long as tonight's. I know that most people would probably go to the doctor, but I have done that in the past and they always tell me it is only anxiety. But I don't know what I have to be anxious about so I can't quite believe them when they say it. I just want to be normal, and to feel normal. Why do these things keep happening? My friend, Nick, says it's all in my head, and I want to believe that and just shrug away these pains and feelings. But I'm afraid that it might be something real and something serious. I don't know if I will ever find out the truth because I don't know if I will ever get to the hospital again. At least on my own. Sometimes I hope to pass out just so that I will know that there is something real wrong with me and that I will be taken to the hospital and fixed and never have to feel these things again. But so far, that has not happened. I always think, "If I die..." and now I have a place to write the rest of that sentence for anyone to see. So, tonight I will say, If I die, now there will be some trace of me left behind and some clue as to how or why it may have happened. And, if I die, I hope that my family and friends know how much I love them and how much they mean to me. I also hope they are not sad for too long. For me it's been a long time coming, but for everyone else it will be out of nowhere. Maybe if they read this, they can be prepared. If only I could prepare myself, knowing that my death is fast arriving....