I was in Wawa tonight with my friend Nick and this random guy walks in, throws his hands in the air, and yells: "Did you hear the news?" ...We all stared for a few seconds, then, "Osama Bin Laden is dead!" he yelled, with a giant grin on his face. That moment was insane. It did not feel real. I could not believe, first of all what he had said, and secondly, why he was so happy. In an instant I was overcome with sadness at the same news that had made this man so ecstatic. Nick noticed that my demeanor had changed and questioned it. I got a little heated trying to explain to him why I was upset. A man is dead, and people are happy. That just does not seem right to me. For another thing, there is a very big possibility that Osama is in hell. That's not a reason to be happy, that's not a reason to celebrate. When I got home I went on Facebook and there were status' all over the page of celebration at this man's death. What is wrong with humankind that we want to "go out and toast" a man's death?
I know that my blog is not supposed to be political or religious, but this was a big moment in history and a great realization in my life. I thought it was important enough to record my thoughts on the matter. And anyway, seeing as I am the only person I know who gets sad when "bad people" die, ie. Saddam Hussein, Osama Bin Ladin, and anyone who's ever gotten the death penalty, it does make sense to blog about it here. I am all alone in my thought process and I just can't understand how anyone else could think differently about the matter.
Also, there is one key statement in this post that makes it okay to include it in this blog: "It did not feel real". That was not just some exaggeration of the moment. As I was standing there in that Wawa, listening to this crazy man yell about death, I legitimately lost my sense of reality. I've heard of this before and I think I've come close to it before, especially the past few days. You know that I've been having trouble getting myself to go to sleep at night because I'm afraid. So, I've been keeping myself awake until my eyes can't possibly stay open anymore. Every night that I do this, I wake up at some point completely disoriented. Last night I fell asleep on the couch while watching television with Nick. He tried to wake me up a few times and I wouldn't budge. Then when he finally did wake me up I was so out of it I didn't even know what was going on or what I was doing. It felt like a dream. Then this Wawa moment happened, and since then I've had three more moments of "unreality". They weren't special in any way except that it just didn't feel real. It's really hard to explain it, so I really hope you understand. It's like watching a movie in the theatre. You're just sitting there watching it, except you also can't feel anything, and what you do feel doesn't feel real. I hope I'm not making this more confusing. Anyway, I feel like this might be my next new thing. I'm not adding it to the list just yet, but I am going to keep an eye on it.
Also, quick update, other than the trouble sleeping, the always present paranoia, and this new "unreality" thing I have been doing pretty well. Not too many strange physical pains. Of course there's always some. But it has really slowed down. Finger's crossed that it stays that way. X
No comments:
Post a Comment